Maxwell Maltz, was a leading American cosmetic surgeon and author who once said, “low self-esteem is like going through life with the handbrake on”. These words resonate with so many! I too have experienced this and can relate to it. Even the most outwardly confident of people, can lack a genuine confidence, they have learnt to purely mask it (this was often me) but this can be exhausting! The under-lying theme to many of my client’s challenges, is an unfounded self-doubt that throws them off course!
How many times and how often have you unwittingly held yourself back from embracing change, opportunity, promotion, having your voice heard…. written it off entirely because you didn’t have the inner belief or confidence to back up assertive action? Perhaps you put obstacles or excuses in the way, or felt fearful, because it was the unknown and you wanted guarantees?
The thing is, we weren’t born with low self-esteem or poor confidence genes! We were a blank canvas when we popped into this world! We have learned, behaviours and beliefs that have created a habitual way of thinking and being, that very often do not serve us. To create any change means being aware of what’s going on! To do this, you must begin consciously checking in with yourself and challenging your thinking, the stories you have playing out and the behaviour it’s driving! When was the last time you stopped and asked yourself, does how I think, inspire, and uplift me?
A confident mindset is an integral part of continued personal and professional growth, success, resilience, harmony, and fulfilment. It matters hugely, yet I see so many indulging in a never-ending cycle of self-sabotage and self-judgement which can immobilise you on some level. I understand it because this was once me also! It was my conditioned response on auto pilot!
When you start to create a mindset shift, it’s powerful and liberating and gives you control over you! You’ll take more assertive action and make informed decisions. Project yourself with authority and better handle challenges and uncertainty. Don’t play small when there is so much greatness inside of you!
I support my clients through traditional coaching, NLP techniques and positive psychology strategies to up level how they operate and achieve the success they didn’t think possible because self-doubt had sunk its teeth in! There are many things you can do to develop a growth mindset but here are 5 of my favourite tips to get you started.
1. Don’t play the comparison game! Perceptions of others being more successful, or in control, or superior to yourself leads to low self-esteem. What you see in others is just on the surface and not a real picture. Invest your energy in you.
2. Do one thing that stretches you every week, however small. What’s important, is that you push yourself a little way out of your comfort zone each week.
3. Learn to say no and respect your time. If you don’t respect it, no one else will.
4. Let go of the need to please others! Make you and your needs a priority and get comfortable with it.
5. Pay attention to how you ‘self-judge’. Listen to your internal chatter. Question how helpful and productive it is and challenge this dialogue.
Louisa O’Donnell, Career Empowerment Coach & NLP Practitioner @ Purple Eclipse Coaching